I hate to admit it, but one of the ways I sort of organize the chapters of my life are by heartbreaks. I’m one of those people who just likes the same guy… until I like the next one.

I’m sort of moving past one now, a difficult one I might add. I forgot how I used to express the pain and heartbreak. Today, I was looking through old dance videos, and I came across an ahuroa I was a part of in 2010:

This song is about unrequited love: Ta’aki goes to an island to find the perfect engagement gift for his betrothed Nua. However, while on the island, Marama watches him look for the most beautiful black pearl and falls in love with him. However, after he finds the perfect black pearl, he leaves to return to Nua and Marama is left heartbroken over unrequited love. This is her song after Ta’aki leaves; this is her goodbye.

In 2010, I was getting over one of the major crushes in my life–arguably one of most life-changing guys I’ve ever met. I cried on stage while dancing this song because it was so moving.

Now, in 2017, this song feels more relevant than ever. For awhile, I forgot about this song and how I used to sing it in my dorm room to help me move on past heartbreak. In the song, Marama sings how she prays to the gods and ancestors to help lessen the pain and to move on. That’s how I feel when I’m struggling to get over someone–I just want the pain to end.

I’m glad I re-found this song because this song has helped me through so many heartbreaks. It’s my reminder to turn heartbreak into beauty because that’s, in my opinion, the best way to move on.


2017 Goals Mid-Year Update

Hello dear followers,

Last December, I wrote a series on goal-setting using Habitica. Since 6 months have gone by, I’d like to write an update on how I’ve been doing.

Here are my goals I set for 2017 last December:

  1. (COMPLETED) Pass my senior comprehensive with distinction
  2. (RESIGNED) Produce a high quality literature review (worthy of submitting to a journal) about diversity in STEM and high-impact practices
  3. (ON HOLD) Become proficient in R (at least proficient enough so I feel comfortable putting it on my resume)
  4. (RESIGNED) Find employment: If research works out, get a research intern position.
  5. (IN PROGRESS) Find employment: If research does not work out, attain my EMT certification
  6. (COMPLETED) Enroll in Physics II (or at least know when and where I will be taking it)

I’m really proud to say that I’ve completed or am on my way to completing all the goals I set out for myself.

Passing my senior comprehensive with distinction was certainly the proudest moment of my college career because I was able to pass my paper and oral presentation all on my own–without the help of my professor. I did not feel comfortable with my comps advisor for reasons I will not disclose, and therefore the process was very much my own. I’m so proud of myself for passing with distinction, because now I can own my success. I had several all-nighters on the road to my presentation day, and I spent only about 40 hours on my presentation and maybe only 50-60 hours on my paper, but I’m proud of the work I put in.

Due to the stress of comps and not having the motivation to continue reading hundreds of pages per day on top of my school work, I resigned from producing a publishable paper. I don’t feel bad about it–research simply isn’t for me and that’s okay. I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact I do not need research on my resume to be successful.

I started teaching myself R but I don’t have the patience or focus to really hone in on R right now.

I found employment for the summer, though it is not research related. I get to be an 8th grade science teacher for the amazing program Aim High. This summer is my first summer being a Lead Teacher. I’ve had an amazing summer so far, and I really do love teaching. While I still want to become an Emergency Medicine Physician, I would like to teach later in life in some capacity.

Because research never worked out, I opted to get my EMT certification instead, especially after realizing how much I love Emergency Medicine. I think when I made my list of goals, I had not discovered that Emergency Medicine was my calling. However, after I realized it was my calling, I’ve been inseparable from the ER. I want to work again as soon as possible, doing something I know I love. Hence, getting my EMT certification. I’d like to save up enough money to pay for my own MCAT classes and application fees to medical school, as well as money for rent when I do eventually attend medical school.

I enrolled in Physics II! That means I’ll be done with my medical school pre-requisites by the end of 2017!

I’m glad I blogged about my goals in 2016, because looking back on my accomplishments is rewarding. I feel like I’ve actually made progress in my life and I feel motivated to continue going after my dreams.